It’s still getting worse after everything I’ve tried. What if I found a way to wash it all aside? What if she touches with those fingertips

Top: New Look via eBay. Skirt: Wallis via eBay. Boots: Duo via eBay. Necklace: made by me.

Yes, more boots from Duo. I’ve yet to actually buy any full price, but after frustratedly trying on I don’t know how many pairs of too-big boots it’s nice to be able to order online and feel confident that they’ll actually fit.

Now all I need to do is find more casual ones – much as I’m happy to stalk about in platform heels at work, they might be a bit much for wandering round the supermarket!

You want it all, I did everything I could always your way

Jumper: H&M. Jeans: TopShop. Boots: Dr Martens. Necklace: Anna Lou

Pony tail! Unusual for me for work – normally I only put my hair up if the weather is so warm I want my hair off my head – but I wear it up all the time at home. I’m not, though, really sure why.

Partly I suspect it’s what a colleague said to me earlier – that she feels exposed with her hair up so doesn’t like to wear it so at work. I understood exactly what she meant – it felt strange not having a wall of hair to hide behind all day.

But I find it bothers me less now, and it’s something I should probably get over because, well, illogical thing is illogical.

Which brings me to… Does anyone have any styling recommendations for persons of the ‘just run a brush through it, can’t be bothered with styling products most of the time’ hair persuasion? I can’t do pony tails and claw clips all the time…

Is this the light of a new day dawning? A future bright that you can walk in? No, it’s just another Monday morning.

Jumper: White Stuff. Skirt: White Stuff via eBay. Boots: Duo via eBay. Necklace: made by me

I was thinking over the weekend about personality and how much of it we really project. In my case, I suspect large chunks of it don’t come out large chunks of the time.

For example, the one aspect of my personality I always feel I can never get down in prose is my sense of humour. It’s hard to write comedy, for me, and my brand of humour tends to be conversational – I’ll make a passing observation or carry an idea to a surreal conclusion (family trait, me and my brother can spin a passing thought to impressive lengths) all the time but writing a funny blog post or story is something I’ve always felt is a beyond me. Odd that I seem to end up being fairly serious and thoughtful on here all the time considering how much I laugh and make other people (well, the ones that listen to me – I often feel a bit other at work, somehow…) laugh during the day.

I suppose work is one of those places where a lot of people aren’t quite their whole selves. I’d never say I’m not me, but I’m the tiniest fraction of me, really, and I’m pretty sure that nearly all my colleagues know bugger about me. I suppose I don’t volunteer any more than they ask, but it’s interesting when you find that someone has formed a completely erroneous opinion of you based on… well, nothing more than appearance and a mainly professional interaction. Step forward the person that had somehow concluded that I was a prude despite the fact we’ve never had a non-work related conversation longer than a couple of minutes and he’s not someone that listens to what people say and how they say it anyway. Same conversation, though, revealed that a colleague with whom I don’t have cause to interact much had noted and remembered a passing Facebook reference to FFVII and was therefore much less surprised than some that I’d been quietly playing the game they were all on about too.

Same thing with me having a few drinks. I was no more than tipsy at most – work do, after all, and I’m management and all the Directors were present – but unsurprisingly I was livelier than they were used to seeing me – what with me being off the clock and not talking about work and all. So, it was commented on the next day with some surprise. I mean really – is that so astonishing?

It’s strange. I feel like I don’t reveal such a large proportion of my personality and thoughts at work and online – to any one group, really, with the exception of my few very closest friends, who know most of me – and I kind of figured everyone does likewise, to a greater or lesser degree. So I don’t really get why folk make assumptions about what their colleagues or less well know acquaintancey folk are like, or indeed would like or not like, if there’s simply an absence of information.

Odd.

Post title round-up

There’s nothing I can conceive that you wouldn’t do for me

I’m not here looking for absolution because I’ve found myself an old solution

Let the sun beat down upon my face

Let the sun beat down upon my face

Cardi: thrifted. Dress: F&F via eBay. Boots: Duo via eBay. Necklace: mockinghorse

I seem to have stalled. And changed. In a couple of areas of life, at least. I know that as my mental energy has been going elsewhere this blog is lacking in the more meaty, thoughtful posts that I used to enjoy producing periodically, and I’ve thought about stopping because I’m sure my limited outfit rumblings aren’t actually that interesting. I’ll carry on for now, though, in hopes inspiration strikes. If there’s anything you’d like me to tackle, though, feel free to suggest!

The other area major in which I’ve stalled is craftually. I haven’t sewn for months, though there’s an element of that partly being a summer thing for me, as knitting becomes less doable. And partly because I have reintroduced gaming into my life and there are only so many hours in a day, I am knitting, but I’ve noticed a change in my habits from how they were when I picked I back up again. I’m much more critical of how a given item will fit on me and into my wardrobe, less likely to make a challenging thing for the sake of the challenge. I enjoy luxury fibres but for shawls rather than socks or cardigans.

I read less, too. I still enjoy an hour or so of quiet house to read with some freshly brewed coffee, but I’m also writing more, which fills a related need so I don’t see that as problematic as it could be. Some of it even has a fledgling home online, but it’s explicit and is more snippets than stories at present so I’m not linking directly. You can always email/DM, if you’re ok with written sex and you promise to be kind to the writer, who is a tad rusty on the fiction writing front!

It’s funny, really. Someone commented on my interests today and it suddenly occurred that not only did they, bless them, not really have a clue about those, but that some of the more… solitary ones have shifted a little lately.

Well, I guess it would be strange if I was still doing at almost 34 what I did, how I did it, at 14!

I’m not here looking for absolution because I’ve found myself an old solution

Top: New Look via eBay. Skirt: Wallis via eBay. Boots: Duo via eBay.

One of those days where I’ve thought about what all the little things mean to me. A cup of tea made here, finding my car already ice-free when I leave the house there, folk I don’t know offering virtual hugs when I ask, someone asking if I’m all right if I’m a bit under the weather.

All quite small gestures, but I always notice and and appreciate them and try to offer them myself. S’just what you do, isn’t it?

There was nothing I could conceive That you wouldn’t do for me

Jumper: H&M. Skirt: vintage. Boots: Duo via eBay. Brooch: mockinghorse

I was, for a change, listening to music via my phone rather than my laptop or iPod at work today. So, when a slower track for which I wasn’t in quite the mood came on, I went to skip it. And then saw this:

Erm. Bit difficult skipping a screen containing your first crush in all her 80s glory, as it turns out. I’m sure that was an album cover of which many have fond memories, but I do find it fascinating, and a little sad, that it was years before I admitted my crushes on womenfolk to anyone other than myself. Perhaps YoungMe felt I was going against the flow enough already by not for the life of me being able to see the appeal of Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt?

Post Title Roundup

She burns like the sun and I can’t look away

Sometimes I feel so temporary

Suddenly my feet are feet of mud. It all goes slow-mo. I don’t know why I’m crying.

I was born tired. I never got rested.

The sweet love between the moon and the deep blue sea