I could never throw my knickers at you

 Top: TopShop via eBay. Shorts: Dorothy Perkins. Necklace: Dorothy Perkins. Shoes: thrifted. Bracelet: thrifted

I was looking for some straight-on photos over the weekend, and could I find any? There are some further back on here, but apparently I’ve become the Leaning Tower of Woman lately. So, have a warm-weather Cat from a slightly different angle for a change!

The weather’s been utterly glorious here for the past week – though allegedly it’s set to change over this coming week – and I’ve been really revelling in it. We took the opportunity to go for a long walk, taking in nine or ten miles of nearby nature reserve, woodland and fields – and broken up by a delicious pub lunch. Blissful – but it did make sitting at my desk in a chilly air-conditioned room (good job I always have a cardi on me) while the weather was so stunning outside rather difficult today!

The grass is several shades of blue

 Cardi: Gap. Top: Dorothy Perkins. Jeans: TopShop. Shoes: Dune. Necklace: www.mockinghorse.co.uk

I seem to be embracing the yellow lately, don’t I? Must be the signs of impending summer

Over the weekend, I was rummaging around some old photos (On the hunt for formal pictures and pictures of my teenage years, both of which are rather light on the ground, between lack of occasion and detestation of having my picture taken. And viewing the resulting images.) and stumbled across this one:

    This is me, a bit over ten years ago, on my 24th birthday. Celebrating in style (erm) in Pizza Hut with my then-new colleagues, including the person who that weekend became my other half. I’ve never really thought it’s a particularly great picture of me – and I actually prefer the way I look now – but it’s a fantastic picture of the moment.

Funny how you can see energy in a still image sometimes, isn’t it?

I lost my ignorance, security and pride

 Cardi: thrifted. Top: Wallis via eBay. Jeans: TopShop. Shoes: Dorothy Perkins. Necklace: Tatty Devine

I seem to be easing myself into heels this week, for some reason. Another one of those weeks where I’m glad I work somewhere that allows for a greater range of clothes than many – it allows for the following of moods as well as different expressions of self. And there’s enough facets of me that I never talk about (I guess we’re all the same in that respect) that somehow, it feels satisfying to be able to express at least a few of them visually. Not that I really know what this outfit says to the outward observer – any volunteers for interpreting it?

It doesn’t fit my plans but I’ve got that taste in my mouth again

 Jumper: Dorothy Perkins. Bra: Ariza Poppy by Panache. Yeah, these don’t normally make it on show but what the hell, I’m at home! Jeans: TopShop via eBay. Slippers: buggered if I can remember

Guess who’s working from home today? Still, nothing wrong with a little bit of slouchy jumper and messy hair action once in a while I think, and it’s quite a novelty to be able to blog conveniently at lunchtime. Bar the slippers, I’m still on a par with what most of my colleagues wear on a daily basis anyway – although I normally make an effort to hide my bra at least! Still, I’m sure the birds don’t care.

So, this weekend was a bit of a strange one for me. I actually finally made it along to a knitting group, having found one a while back that met at convenient times for me (bit like when I looked into martial arts classes – they all seemed to be either close to work but hours after I finish or close to home about 5 minutes after I finish work, thus wildly inconvenient!) and plucked up the courage to go along. I’m not very good at New Groups Of People. I tend to find I can get along with pretty much anyone, but for all I expect it would surprise a few people I’m very definitely an introvert – I need time alone to recharge and find excessive social contact, however dearly I love the people involved, leaves me craving an hour or two alone and meeting new people en masse is nervewracking as well as exciting. Getting over that initial hurdle of Scary New Thing is fairly difficult for me – I’m sure I looked deeply awkward wandering over to them and saying ‘hello! you must be the knitterly types I’ve come to meet!’. Of course, as is usually the case, it went brilliantly – everyone was lovely, the conversation flowed, and I’ll definitely be going back.

It’s one thing I lack, really. I have very good friends, but they are geographically rather scattered and between that and them starting families we just don’t see each other often enough. Same goes for my other half’s friends, with whom we used to hang out more than we do. I miss ‘em, but I also miss just having a natter with people on a fairly casual basis. The thing with being an introvert is that it’s my instinct to retreat protectively into my head rather than reach out to people, and then any lonely feelings end up getting compounded. So, I’ve been doing my best to counteract that lately – to explain and own my feelings instead of burying them, to seek out what I need instead of retreating from it, to, well, deal basically. And it’s working. I’ve never actually felt happier or more confident about myself, I feel like I know myself and my capabilities and needs really well now.

Now all I need is for circumstance and the rest of the world to catch up…

There’s something about us I’ve got to do

 Dress: Dorothy Perkins. Shoes: Dorothy Perkins via eBay. Necklace: Etsy. Belt: thrifted

Apparently I’m being Dorothy Perkins Woman today! They are rather reliable on the clothing-for-curves front, it has to be said. And this flippy dress, for all I saw someone describe it as frumpy on their Facebook page (Charmed, I’m sure. Though I’m not sure it’s actually possible for a neckline like this to be frumpy as such.) is perfect for the weird overcast-but-humid weather that had the office reaching for the aircon indoors and the brolly outdoors today.

And I’ll stop rambling there, because I have a thousand things in my head that are at the not-quite-ready-to-write stage and when I’m in that mood you only get the superficial stuff which isn’t even that interesting to me, never mind you. Sorry. I’ll get there, I’m sure.

I love to hear you oralise

 Shrug: thrifted. Dress: Gap via eBay. Belt: thrifted. Shoes: Dorothy Perkins via eBay. Necklace: www.mockinghorse.co.uk

Overheard in the office: “You’ve got legs!”. Translation: colleague for whom it’s not completely unheard of to wear a skirt but who has been wearing trousers more lately happened to be wearing a skirt. Steady, chaps!

Overheard in the office 2 “Your hair’s gone all fluffy today”. Heh. That’ll be me not being one for using product in my hair, then, I suppose!

I’ll spare you the rest…

You wanna know why all these rivers run dry, and when I see you again I see it there in your eyes.

 Shrug: thrifted. Dress: Fever via eBay. Shoes: Dorothy Perkins via eBay. Necklace: www.mockinghorse.co.uk

As you’ll have a hint of from yesterday’s post, I’ve been doing a lot of pattern recognising and response-poking lately. Mostly in myself, but also in others. Patterns in behaviour, and in responses to things. I’ve learnt amazingly fundamental yet strangely not-quite-admitted things about myself just from stopping and asking myself why I did a particular thing or reacted in a particular way to a particular stimulus. The answer isn’t always immediately forthcoming, but rummaging for it is a useful process in itself.

There’s something decidedly satisfying about it, both in terms of personal growth and from the perspective of someone who likes to understand how things and people work. It’s fascinating how understanding a thing helps to either deal with it or just let it go if for whatever reason it’s not mine to deal with.

Build me an ark and if you’re coming, jump.

 Cardi: Warehouse via eBay. Top: Miss Selfridge via eBay. Skirt: via eBay. Shoes: Office via eBay. Necklace: Dorothy Perkins. Belt: H&M.

I have a tendency to devise (unintentionally) reasons for not doing the thing I’m procrastinating about, particularly in the case of something that I know I won’t be brilliant at, because I’m one of those people that’s not great at Not Being As Good As I Want To Be. Lately, it’s been exercise. I do exercise, but it’s mostly strength and tone based, and while I can feel and see the effects there’s not really enough cardio in the mix. I’ve been inspired by Spikes and Heels, and its founder, Bangs and a Bun, though, to start running.

Now, this is interesting, because I always hated running at school. Detested it. With some justification –  it’s one of those things that at school goes one of two ways. First, there’s ‘sprint as fast as you can’, which I was actually ok at but never quite good enough to be developed in. I once found out I was in the 200m for my house for sports day about 20 minutes before the race for my age group, which should illustrate just how far under the radar I was (Story of my school life – effortlessly Somewhere Near The Top but not so brilliant that further polish happened and quiet enough that they left me be as long as the grades stayed high. I wrote whole novellas in dull classes. And passed notes written in runes. Yeah, I was a cool kid.)!

The other option was distance running, which was basically:  ‘run for miles! cross-country! in the mud! in inadequate gear! with people who also aren’t much enjoying themselves! mid-afternoon when your body least wants to do it because you’re a morning person! or alternatively, just go down the park and smoke for a bit!’. The kids that get developed are those that already show enthusiasm and promise, and everyone else just sort of has to lump it rather than learn it.

All of which led to running being one of those things that for twenty-odd years I’ve filed under ‘Not Me’ and avoided because I’d Be Bad At It and I Don’t Much Like It Anyway. And just lately, ‘well, really I could do with a belt to store my phone and keys and I need some more appropriate gear because the exercise I have been doing has had the effect of me shrinking out of the workout gear I had so obviously I can’t go yet, and really some proper sports earphones would be useful instead of the crappy Apple ones, and…’.

This has been going on for a few weeks, and I finally recognised it for what it was yesterday. The fact that I’d have to work to improve, rather than the actual physical work itself, was what I’d been avoiding.

I bought the workout gear, and because I couldn’t find them in person, I ordered the belt and the earphones at the weekend.

And I went running first thing yesterday morning anyway, because it’s perfectly possible to run with crappy earphones and your phone in your pocket.

See, Brain? It wasn’t that hard to take the first step, was it?